There are cities you live in, and then there’s Port Elizabeth.
Or Gqeberha. Or PE. Or The Bay. Depending on who you’re talking to, how old they are, and how much energy they have for explaining themselves.
Port Elizabeth has its own peculiar little operating system. We have beaches on our doorstep, wind that occasionally appears to have a personal vendetta, distances measured differently from the rest of South Africa, and a remarkable ability to complain about our city while becoming immediately offended when anybody else does it.
If you’re from PE, you’ll understand these without needing much explanation.
1. The Wind Isn’t Weather. It’s a Lifestyle.
Cape Town can keep its mountain. Johannesburg can keep its traffic. Durban can keep its humidity.
We have the wind.
Not a light coastal breeze gently ruffling your hair for an Instagram photo. We’re talking about the sort of wind that can turn opening a car door into a strength-training exercise.
You learn very quickly that hairstyles are temporary, outside umbrellas are brave little soldiers, and eating anything lightweight outdoors requires tactical planning.
There’s a reason the Eastern Cape tourism authorities themselves have referred to Port Elizabeth as the Windy City.
And yet, on the rare perfectly still PE day, everybody notices.
“Yoh, there’s no wind today.”
It becomes an event.
2. Twenty Minutes Away Is Basically a Road Trip
People from Johannesburg will casually drive 45 minutes to meet someone for coffee.
In Port Elizabeth?
“Where?”
“About 22 minutes away.”
“Eish. Can we meet somewhere closer?”
One of the great luxuries of living here is that most things genuinely aren’t very far apart. Even South African Tourism describes PE as a city where much of what you need is relatively close, including an airport only minutes from the city.
This has completely destroyed our perception of distance.
Once you’ve lived here long enough, anything requiring more than a quarter tank of petrol starts feeling suspiciously like interprovincial travel.
3. We Have About Four Names for the Same City
Officially, it’s Gqeberha.
But depending on the conversation, you’re going to hear:
Port Elizabeth.
PE.
Gqeberha.
The Bay.
And occasionally all four in the same discussion.
Many locals still instinctively say PE, and the transition between the old and new names has produced its own strange local language. Even online discussions years after the name change show residents still casually referring to the city as PE.
Whatever you call it, we know where you mean.
4. You Don’t Ask, “Are We Going to the Beach?”
You ask which beach.
Because these are completely different questions.
Hobie?
Kings?
Schoenies?
Sards?
Something along the Wildside?
People visiting Port Elizabeth see “beach”.
Locals have categories.
There’s the beach you go to for a quick walk, the one you take visitors to, the one that’s worth driving out to, the one you choose for a sunset, and the one you avoid because you’ve already decided the wind is behaving badly in that direction.
Algoa Bay has a long stretch of coastline with well-known beaches including Kings Beach, Hobie, Humewood and Pollock, while Sardinia Bay and Schoenmakerskop sit among the quieter coastal favourites.
A PE resident rarely needs Google Maps for this decision.
They need to look at the trees.
5. The Weather App Is More of a Suggestion
You leave home wearing a jersey.
By 11AM, you’re carrying it.
At lunchtime, you’re wondering why you wore jeans.
At 3PM, the wind arrives from another dimension.
By 5PM, you’re looking for the jersey again.
The solution?
Layers.
Port Elizabeth residents don’t dress for the weather.
We dress for several possible weather storylines.
6. Everybody Knows Somebody Who Knows Somebody
PE is big enough to be a city but somehow small enough for this conversation:
“Do you know Jason?”
“Which Jason?”
“Jason who used to work with Craig.”
“Craig from Lorraine?”
“No, Craig’s cousin.”
“The one who married Melissa?”
“YES!”
“Oh, ja. I know him.”
This can be comforting.
It can also be terrifying.
Your social life, business network, school connections and family acquaintances eventually begin forming one enormous human spiderweb.
Which means you should probably think twice before behaving badly in public.
There is an excellent statistical chance somebody’s aunt is watching.
7. We Complain That Nothing Happens, Then Complain About the Traffic When Something Happens
“PE is so quiet. Nothing ever happens here.”
Then something happens.
Suddenly:
“Why is EVERYONE on the road?”
“Where are all these people coming from?”
“This traffic is ridiculous.”
We want excitement.
We simply want everybody else to stay home while we’re enjoying it.
Perfectly reasonable.
8. “Let’s Grab Coffee” Rarely Means Just Coffee
Coffee in Port Elizabeth has many jobs.
It can be:
A meeting.
A date.
A business pitch.
Breakfast.
An emergency debrief.
A catch-up that was supposed to last 30 minutes.
A reason to leave the office.
A full psychological assessment of everyone you both know.
This is why finding a good café in Port Elizabeth matters more than people realise.
The right café becomes part restaurant, part meeting room, part refuge and part unofficial community headquarters.
And somewhere between the first cappuccino and “Okay, but don’t tell anyone I told you this…”, two hours disappear.
9. We Secretly Love That PE Is a Little Slower
We’ll complain about it.
Obviously.
That’s our right.
But there’s something genuinely good about living somewhere where you can still head out for breakfast without turning it into a military operation.
Where the beach isn’t a once-a-year holiday destination.
Where you can meet someone for lunch and, most days, actually get there without scheduling your departure during the previous financial quarter.
Port Elizabeth has long carried the nickname the Friendly City, with South African Tourism highlighting both its coastline and its reputation for friendly locals.
There’s a pace here that gets under your skin.
You only really appreciate it when you’ve spent time somewhere much faster.
10. We Can Insult PE. You Cannot.
This is perhaps the most important rule.
A Port Elizabeth local may say:
“There’s nothing to do here.”
“The wind is ridiculous.”
“This place is basically a giant village.”
But let someone from another city say it?
Excuse me?
Suddenly we’re the Nelson Mandela Bay Tourism Board.
“Actually, we have some of the best beaches.”
“You know Addo is right there?”
“Have you even BEEN to Sards?”
“We don’t sit in traffic for three hours every day.”
Within seconds, the same person who was complaining about PE five minutes earlier is delivering a keynote address entitled Why Port Elizabeth Is Actually Better Than Your City.
Because that’s the thing about this place.
We can moan about it.
We can joke about it.
We can threaten to move away every time the wind blows a garden chair across the yard.
But it’s ours.
And we rather like it here.
And Obviously, All This Talking Requires Food
Whether you’re debating what the city should be called, recovering from another windy morning or meeting someone for “just one quick coffee” that turns into lunch, you need somewhere comfortable to do it.
That’s where My Hometown Café comes in.
If you’re looking for a welcoming café in Port Elizabeth, a relaxed restaurant in Port Elizabeth, or simply somewhere to sit down with good coffee and great food in Port Elizabeth, come visit us in Newton Park.
Bring a friend.
Order something delicious.
Stay longer than you planned.
That’s a very PE thing to do.